Working with Your Inner Child: A Guide for Those Living with Chronic Pain

Hi, I'm Elynn Light, Integrative Healer. Today, I will discuss the significance of addressing our inner child, especially relevant for those living with chronic pain.

The Importance of Inner Child Work

Throughout my years of working with clients, I've found inner child work to be profoundly impactful. Often, the wounds and unexpressed emotions from our childhood continue to manifest in our adult lives, affecting our health, finances, and relationships.

Approaching the Inner Child with Care

• Tone is Key: It’s crucial to approach the inner child slowly, gently, saying hello. I'm here because I care about you.
  Acknowledge them without dismissal.
• Avoid Rationalization: Telling them to “get over it” or ensuring everything will be alright as an opener isn't helpful.
• Visualization: Many people can "see" this younger part of themselves.It's not necessary to see the child. It also is therapeutic to feel what this part feels like. You can get a sense of what the child is feeling in your own body...and you can feel when it shifts during treatment. Tuning into the child aspect of yourself can provide insights into the emotions and beliefs that are still being carried from the past. 

Connecting with the Inner Child

To initiate the connection:

1. Reflect on a current pressing issue in your life.
2. Identify the emotion associated with it.
3. Locate the emotion within your body. Or see what emotion the child appears to be experiencing. 
4. Ask yourself How old do you feel when you're feeling this emotion...or when did you first felt this emotion. This will take you to the age or event that is unprocessed. 
   THEN...you approach the child with care. 

There are other ways to select an age of a child to work with...if there is a chronic emotion or belief...
You can say: Ask a representative from your childhood to step forward, one who carries this belief or emotion...
then the process is the same. 

Acknowledging the Child's Emotions
The FIRST step in conversation with the child is to acknowledge their feeling.
Example: For any emotion Say to the child:
You have the right to feel... angry (or sad, afraid, defeated, shocked). Tell me more.
Is there anything that you'd like to show or tell me? 
Repeat: Of course you feel...insert emotion. 
I'm sorry that you weren't protected. You deserve better. If they are shocked, say, It was shocking. It was too much. 
Just BE present with them. They have waited a long time to be acknowledged and supported. 

If the child's feeling anger! ASK: Is there anything the anger would like to say or do? to a person or a group? 
Add: Don't edit! If you wouldn't get in trouble...what would you say or do? Tell them-Call in any protection that feels needed... 
It's very common to feel hesitant to express anger or to speak up for yourself...so be patient and thorough...asking is there anything else?

Champion the child within. Recognize their emotions without downplaying or dismissing them.
Let the inner child know they're heard, seen, and valued. It's useful to say, You matter. You are important. 
Ask the adult: Is there anything that the child needs or wants to hear? Sometimes they need to hear. You are a good girl/boy. 

This process allows the old stored energy to release, the beliefs and perspectives shift...the child to integrate and grow up...
Don't rush the process. Be thorough. 

Creating a Safe Space

If you encounter a memory or a situation where the inner child is being abused or feels unsafe:

1. Visualize (or feel) relocating them to a safe environment. Ask them where they prefer to go...example: to a safe, bedroom in your home ( on the energy plane- you can add on whatever room is desired), a cabin, a hospital...you'll get a sense of where they'd feel safe. 
2. Offer them choices like room and decor colors or toys, even a pet, providing a sense of control and nurturing.
3. Assure them of their safety and let them know they’re in control. I've often said, You get to say who comes in your room. Only those with your permission can enter. 

If the Child does Not Want to Talk
Be patient. 
Say: I can understand that you don't want to talk. If you know the history you could say: It wasn't safe to speak up then but it is now. 
Or I can understand that you might be angry. You have the right to all of your emotions.be angry. All of your emotions are welcomed here. 

Rebuilding Trust with the Inner Child If the Child does Not Want to Talk

For those who have previously dismissed or blamed their inner child, rebuilding trust is essential. Offer them genuine apologies and affirmations of their worth. It's rewarding to witness the transformation of the inner child, from one burdened by past traumas to one that is free and joyful.

Dealing with Overwhelming Emotions or "Freeze" Responses

Occasionally, the inner child might feel overwhelmed to the point of shutting down. In these instances:

1. Breathe and acknowledge the shock or overwhelm they felt. Locate where in the body it feels frozen or empty. 
2. Comfort them, letting them know it wasn't their fault.
3. Allow time for these emotions to thaw and seek professional guidance if needed.
4. Say, It was shocking. It was too much to handle. It was too much to digest/process. It wasn't safe to feel then but now you have more resources...let's breathe and feel the body as it thaws.

While inner child work can be intense, especially for those with significant traumas, it offers a path to healing and understanding oneself better. Remember, you’re not alone on this journey.